I woke up from a nightmare to find …

Dark woods with light-filled opening at end.

“Humans have a creative mind that is unmatched, a mind with the power to invent stories about what it perceives. In fact, this storytelling power of the mind happens automatically and without ceasing. This is why, in the Toltec tradition, we say that the mind is constantly dreaming and that our reality is a Personal Dream.” — don Jose Ruiz, “Shamanic Power Animals: Embracing the Teachings of Our Non-Human Friends”

Something happened that afternoon as I sat on the porch swing reading don Jose Ruiz’s book. I had never heard of the Toltec tradition, but its words reached out and emboldened an inner voice that before only whispered from the darkest corners of my soul. It had been too afraid to be seen or heard, because it didn’t conform with the world around me.

But that afternoon, this voice finally stood up from the shadows, and it no longer mattered what anyone else thought. I was seeing my past experiences and beliefs — I was seeing life — for what they truly were.

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The fourth wall is real! And you can break through it

Yellow lotus flower on lily pads.

I recently experienced something … beyond words. Truly, it can only be felt.

Call it an epiphany, an awakening, an enlightenment. What’s most interesting is that it was incredibly mundane, in the sense that it was a quiet, average day. I wasn’t doing anything unusual. But maybe that’s the point. It was unexpected, not forced and couldn’t be explained away by the environment or the people around me; in fact, I was mostly alone.

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Welcome to My Highly Sensitive Life!

Pink peony beginning to open.

Looking back, I realize the answers unfolded as I began to accept the idea that I might never find them. Why do I live in fear of offending or inconveniencing anyone else? Where did this all-or-nothing thinking come from? Why am I so afraid of doing something wrong, of failing? Why do I feel exhausted after being around other people? Why do I cry at the end of a movie with a happy ending? Buried under all the whys, what-ifs and hows, I’ve been living in the past or anticipating the future: “Is there something wrong with me?”

The answers I’ve discovered proved to me there isn’t anything wrong. In fact, all of those questions point to what is right, what is true, in me. I felt wrong because I’ve spent my life until now resisting and repressing my truth so that I could “fit in.” Because, while there are many others like me, the majority are not.

The answers to all of those questions add up to one core truth: I’m a highly sensitive person.

Continue reading “Welcome to My Highly Sensitive Life!”