I’ll admit that I’m not in the space I’m about to talk about here — that space of clarity, calm, confidence, knowing. I’ve struggled with my depression, anger and hopelessness the last couple of days. Old questions and thought patterns have crept in, and I’m not exactly sure why. I feel disconnected, untethered, from my solid center of safety and awareness that keep me grounded but allow me to roll with the current of life. Yet, there’s a part of me that understands I will work through this, and I will be freer still once I do.
It’s important to me to share all of it — the good, the bad, the ugly — because, yes, there are amazing experiences, there is freedom and there is growth and goal achievement. There are also hardships, falls and getting lost. Even when we transform and uncover our true colors, the struggles are not over. But, they are easier to understand and navigate.
With that in mind, I share the following insights I’ve been discovering and slowly gathering for you. Maybe this post is ready to publish now because I needed this aspect, this moment of darkness, for a balanced perspective. There are so many times I finish a book that is thoroughly uplifting and hopeful; then, that sense of lack and failure seep in and take hold, because there is not yet enough solid ground to keep me from getting swept away. It is helpful to know that all of the wonderful, beautiful, incredible, inexplicable joy, confidence and love are possible. But it’s even more helpful to know that we all struggle to get there: It’s necessary and inevitable, so why leave that part out?
Continue reading “Exploring overwhelm Part I: Dances with dishes”