inner work – My Highly Sensitive Life

I reclaim my moxie: Exploring overwhelm, Part II

Posted on September 7, 2022September 7, 2022 by Kim

Please be aware that this post discusses physical reactions to overstimulation that might be difficult for some readers.

My heart feels ready to explode, entire body cringing as if responding to nails on a chalkboard. My muscles turn to stone, allowing just enough breath to sustain life, while every nerve surges to a voltage screaming escape.

This is generally how I experience overstimulation.

Overwhelm is harder for me to navigate than any other feeling or emotion. It requires more awareness, openness, self-compassion. It’s why interruptions to my focus, crowded places and certain noises, clutter, multitasking, and having too many what-ifs “up in the air” can incite dread. It’s why, for so long, I went from calm to irritated at my kids’ first cry, whine or angry outburst. I’d be left dumbfounded and ashamed, berating myself as a horrible person. It’s why even a comforting hand or well-intentioned hug can at times make me want to jump out of my skin. One night, it’s why I had a panic attack and nearly passed out.

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Exploring overwhelm Part I: Dances with dishes

Posted on August 24, 2022August 24, 2022 by Kim

pine trees by lake in forest against sky — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I’ll admit that I’m not in the space I’m about to talk about here — that space of clarity, calm, confidence, knowing. I’ve struggled with my depression, anger and hopelessness the last couple of days. Old questions and thought patterns have crept in, and I’m not exactly sure why. I feel disconnected, untethered, from my solid center of safety and awareness that keep me grounded but allow me to roll with the current of life. Yet, there’s a part of me that understands I will work through this, and I will be freer still once I do.

It’s important to me to share all of it — the good, the bad, the ugly — because, yes, there are amazing experiences, there is freedom and there is growth and goal achievement. There are also hardships, falls and getting lost. Even when we transform and uncover our true colors, the struggles are not over. But, they are easier to understand and navigate.

With that in mind, I share the following insights I’ve been discovering and slowly gathering for you. Maybe this post is ready to publish now because I needed this aspect, this moment of darkness, for a balanced perspective. There are so many times I finish a book that is thoroughly uplifting and hopeful; then, that sense of lack and failure seep in and take hold, because there is not yet enough solid ground to keep me from getting swept away. It is helpful to know that all of the wonderful, beautiful, incredible, inexplicable joy, confidence and love are possible. But it’s even more helpful to know that we all struggle to get there: It’s necessary and inevitable, so why leave that part out?

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Finding yourself isn’t what you think it is

Posted on July 5, 2022July 5, 2022 by Kim

Finding yourself is not a glowing-ember sunset over calm waters, a cool breeze lulling the heat of a summer’s day. It isn’t a happy, peaceful ending. It’s not even the end.

But it is breathtaking.

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The two keys that may finally unlock healing

Posted on June 20, 2022June 27, 2022 by Kim

I’d resigned myself to the idea that it wasn’t possible. No matter what anyone else said, inner peace couldn’t be real. It could not exist. If it did, that would mean there was something wrong with me. I had tried every strategy, philosophy and technique I could find. One might uplift me for a short while, but I inevitably slipped back into my deep, dark pit. Buddhism and meditation have offered me the most support, but still I couldn’t find that lasting serenity. Perhaps this was the burden I was meant to carry: I would struggle with depression for life.

Then, I discovered that inner peace is possible, and it’s not about a specific practice, technique or affirmation. For me, it was two key insights that finally unlocked my healing. With these keys, I can find comfort in any practice, technique or affirmation that resonates with me during rougher periods. And I believe that with awareness, practice and time, I will no longer need to find solace in the words of others, because that equanimity will grow to be a part of who I am. I will always be able to find it within. Maybe these two keys can help unlock your own healing.

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