self-growth – My Highly Sensitive Life

I reclaim my moxie: Exploring overwhelm, Part II

Posted on September 7, 2022September 7, 2022 by Kim

Please be aware that this post discusses physical reactions to overstimulation that might be difficult for some readers.

My heart feels ready to explode, entire body cringing as if responding to nails on a chalkboard. My muscles turn to stone, allowing just enough breath to sustain life, while every nerve surges to a voltage screaming escape.

This is generally how I experience overstimulation.

Overwhelm is harder for me to navigate than any other feeling or emotion. It requires more awareness, openness, self-compassion. It’s why interruptions to my focus, crowded places and certain noises, clutter, multitasking, and having too many what-ifs “up in the air” can incite dread. It’s why, for so long, I went from calm to irritated at my kids’ first cry, whine or angry outburst. I’d be left dumbfounded and ashamed, berating myself as a horrible person. It’s why even a comforting hand or well-intentioned hug can at times make me want to jump out of my skin. One night, it’s why I had a panic attack and nearly passed out.

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Exploring overwhelm Part I: Dances with dishes

Posted on August 24, 2022August 24, 2022 by Kim

pine trees by lake in forest against sky — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I’ll admit that I’m not in the space I’m about to talk about here — that space of clarity, calm, confidence, knowing. I’ve struggled with my depression, anger and hopelessness the last couple of days. Old questions and thought patterns have crept in, and I’m not exactly sure why. I feel disconnected, untethered, from my solid center of safety and awareness that keep me grounded but allow me to roll with the current of life. Yet, there’s a part of me that understands I will work through this, and I will be freer still once I do.

It’s important to me to share all of it — the good, the bad, the ugly — because, yes, there are amazing experiences, there is freedom and there is growth and goal achievement. There are also hardships, falls and getting lost. Even when we transform and uncover our true colors, the struggles are not over. But, they are easier to understand and navigate.

With that in mind, I share the following insights I’ve been discovering and slowly gathering for you. Maybe this post is ready to publish now because I needed this aspect, this moment of darkness, for a balanced perspective. There are so many times I finish a book that is thoroughly uplifting and hopeful; then, that sense of lack and failure seep in and take hold, because there is not yet enough solid ground to keep me from getting swept away. It is helpful to know that all of the wonderful, beautiful, incredible, inexplicable joy, confidence and love are possible. But it’s even more helpful to know that we all struggle to get there: It’s necessary and inevitable, so why leave that part out?

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This is the soundtrack to my soul

Posted on August 8, 2022August 8, 2022 by Kim

pink and blue abstract painting — Photo by Fiona Art on Pexels.com

After exploring anger, I was inspired to keep going. I set my intention on overstimulation and overwhelm, a big undertaking for a highly sensitive person. I was making new discoveries and jotting down insightful notes for my next post. Then, COVID stopped by for a visit. Just like those wet grandma kisses I remember as a kid (love you and miss you, Meena!), everyone in the house got their turn.

Of course, ego has no concern for self-care, and it started panicking: “I need to get the next post up, or else [insert irrational fear here]!” I gently reminded my ego — yes, I have conversations with the various parts of me in my headspace — that I’m not trying to post three or four times a week to get millions of views, likes and shares. My goal is to share what I’m learning as I go, whether it’s once a week or once a month. I believe these words will reach whoever needs them when they’re needed most.

But, I do miss writing these entries, these letters, as I like to think of them. I enjoy sharing what I’ve learned in hopes that it helps someone else. Truthfully, it’s also healing for me, and this healing only uncovers more insights to share with you. I find joy in it, and it’s helping me to grow. So when this idea came up, I thought it would be fun, and easier to write within the confines of the COVID brain fog.

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Discoveries under the dark waters of anger

Posted on July 30, 2022August 1, 2022 by Kim

Before I get started, know that you can watch the video above or read the post; they’re basically the same. I know some people enjoy videos and others prefer to read so that they can ingest information at their own pace, so it’s your choice!

In my previous blog post, I wrote honestly about how angry I was feeling — at life, at everything. I was also feeling lost. There are many amazing people sharing wonderful insights about self-growth and how to find peace with the ups and downs of life, but there’s always something missing for me: There’s no real discussion about the physical, emotional and mental transition from an ego state to one of equanimity. So, that’s what I want to offer here. I decided it was time to go all-in; just let my anger be and learn from it, and I learned a lot! I discovered how anger shows up within me, how I’ve habitually dealt with it, and how I can better move through it going forward.

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I’m angry, and I’m all-in. It’s time to explore these dark waters.

Posted on July 27, 2022July 30, 2022 by Kim

macro photography of water waves — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I have said before that my goal in writing to you is simply to share my experience in hopes that it helps someone else, anyone else, feel less alone and, perhaps, inspired. If I’m going to do that honestly and authentically, I can’t sugarcoat life. So, I’m here to tell you today, right in this moment, that I am angry. My heart is on fire with anger at the world, at the universe, at life.

I’ve read, watched and listened to article after book after video after podcast about self-growth, self-acceptance, spirituality, and our purpose here on earth. They all whittle down to unconditional love and acceptance of our human experience, both light and dark, both challenging and carefree, both mundane and exquisite. I’ve tried them all. I’ve had spans of free-flowing existence, but, you all, this is not easy. And I am stuck.

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Finding yourself isn’t what you think it is

Posted on July 5, 2022July 5, 2022 by Kim

Finding yourself is not a glowing-ember sunset over calm waters, a cool breeze lulling the heat of a summer’s day. It isn’t a happy, peaceful ending. It’s not even the end.

But it is breathtaking.

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